Here’s a sociological study for you. Chinese people do this thing where they think they’re helping you but they’re really not and I hate it. Apparently as a people they believe that if you ask them for help with something but then you end up not liking that thing they will blame you for it. So instead, what they do is try to talk you out of doing what ever it is that you asked about. It’s really, REALLY annoying and makes me never want to ask a Chinese person for help with anything ever.
****Watch for this in movies. We see it now in movies when anyone is trying to do business with a Chinese person and we go OH! That is so true!
Want some examples? Sure you do.
Example 1: I wanted to go to this big international supermarket I know of here in Xi’an. I know the name of the place in Chinese and I was feeling brave so I went out and hailed a taxi. I said the name and he asked me which one? All my hopes were crushed. I had no idea there were more than one. But oh! There’s We Chat, China’s social networking thing kind of like Facebook.
So I wrote on We Chat can anyone tell me how to say the Metro Supermarket near the TV tower? Here’s an example of how the conversation went:
Person A: Why would you go there?
Person B: It’s really far away.
Person C: You know there’s a supermarket right by your apartment.
Person D: You don’t want to go there.
Me: I DO WANT TO GO THERE. PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO SAY IT.
Person A: What do you want there?
Person B: It’s really far away.
Person C: Are you sure they don’t have it at a closer supermarket?
Person D: I wouldn’t go there if I were you.
Me: Can you please just answer my fucking question and tell me how to say the name of the place?
Person A: I still don’t get it. Why would you go that far from your apartment?
Person B: It’s really far away.
Person C: You can probably get what you want at the closer supermarket.
Person D: You don’t want to go there.
Example 2: My husband and I were tossing around the idea of buying a car here in China. We happened to meet a guy that does bank loans for car sales. We asked him about interest rates.
Husband: So what’s the interest rate on buying a car here?
Bank guy: You want to buy a car here?
Husband: We’re thinking about it. How much is the interest on a loan?
Bank guy: It’s really hard for foreigners to buy cars here.
Husband: Yes. But what is the interest rate?
Bank guy: You know it’s a lot of paperwork.
Husband: Yes. But what is the interest rate?
Bank guy: It’s really a lot of paperwork.
Husband: But what is the interest rate?
Bank guy: You’d probably need a friend to help you.
Husband: ANSWER THE QUESTION. WHAT IS THE INTEREST RATE?
Example 3: When I wanted to take a trip I needed help buying a train ticket because I can’t read the website.
Me: Can you help me buy my ticket to this place?
Her: You don’t want to go to that place.
Me: Yes I do. I have money in my hand. Can you please help me buy the ticket?
Her: It’s really far away.
Me: I know. Can you please help me buy the ticket?
Her: You’re not going to like it.
Me: Yes I will. Can you please help me by the ticket?
Her: It’s really far away.
Me: We already went over that. Will you please help me?
Her: You’ll be uncomfortable.
Me: I know. Please help me buy the ticket.
Her: You know its over 30 hours away right?
Me: Yes. I know. I want to go.
Her: I really don’t think you should go.
Me: Please buy the ticket. Here’s the money.
Her: If I were you I wouldn’t go.
Me: You’re not me. I want to go. Here’s the money. Please buy the ticket.
Her: You really don’t want to go.
Me: I’m getting angry. I want to go and I can’t do it alone. Please help me.
Her: I really wouldn’t do this.
Me: I’m REALLY getting angry. Buy the damn ticket.
Her: It’s not going to be worth it.
Me: Please leave my house.
Example 4: This one just happened today. I met a girl on a language exchange program online. She lives here in my city. She told me she is very, very friendly and she wants to make me as comfortable in Xi’an as possible. She said I could ask her anything anytime and she’d answer any questions I had. I said awesome!
Me: Can you tell me how to get to Qing Gong Market from my apartment?
Her: You don’t want to go there.
Me: And that’s why I never ask Chinese people for help.
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Chinese people say they will help but they really won’t.
Her: What?
Me: You just did it! You offered to help me. You said you would answer any question I had anytime. I asked a question and you refused to answer my question.
Her: Huh?
Me: I asked you how to get to Qing Gong Market and instead of telling me how to get there you told me I didn’t want to go there. Chinese people always do that. I ask a question and they refuse to answer it. I hate it.
Her: Offended I guess. Never responded.
So you can never get a simple answer for a simple question here. Being a new person that doesn’t speak the language it makes things very difficult. Everyone you meet that speaks a little English says they’ll help anytime you need it but dammit they won’t! I understand that in their own way they think they are helping me but they’re not. Just answer my damn question. That’s all I ask. I’ve taken to using an online service to answer all of my questions because there’s not really anyone I know that I can get straight answers from.